The holiday season is marketed as one of magic and joy and merriment…and yet most adults I know sort of dread it. At least partially. There can be so much pressure to find gifts, attend functions, connect with everyone (I once had 4 holidays to attend JUST FOR WORK), and make everything special while also taking care of all the not-special things that go into maintaining a regular life. Somehow, Christmas has seemed to morph into an entire month of overspending our time, money, and energy while overconsuming stuff, food, drink, and socialization. December 26 is marked by exhaustion by so many of us.
So what if we just…stopped. Like didn’t do this anymore. I know, you’re scoffing and half of you probably stopped reading. But I mean that in a REALISTIC sense, not in the “burn it all down and give up on Christmas forever” sense. I absolutely love the holidays: the magic, the connection, the sparkle. I would never give it all up. I also know I really need to stay connected to my Self to feel good and enjoy myself, and that for years I wasn’t doing that at all during the holidays. Now that I have a daughter, I think it’s extra important for me to be whole and present during this season, and to add festivities in around that commitment to myself. I want her to have a blast during this season, and I know no one around me is having any fun if I am depleted or on auto-pilot to get everything done.
So, rather than go full-boar and wear myself out, or give up on things that I really enjoy doing, I try to be super intentional about where I spend my energy during this season. Obligatory parties for folks who I don’t really have a great relationship with or don’t enjoy? Not doing it. Giving generic gifts to extended family or friends just for the sake of doing it? Nope, not for me. Miss out on the parts of Christmas that I really love because I spent all my time/energy/money on things for other people? Hell no.
A few years ago, my family of origin decided to stop buying gifts for the adults. You know what? No one misses it. Our family gatherings are light and fun and there’s no awkwardly hoping that you got the right thing for someone and they aren’t just pretending to like it. All the important parts of family Christmas are still there for us, and none of the pressure.
I decorate as much as I feel like and when I get to it, so it might not be the same every year, but it always feels good. I send holiday cards sometimes, but only when they feel like a fun connection point and not an obligation. I truly love the corniest of holiday movies, and making simple Christmas crafts (even if they never really get completed or leave my home), so I give myself at least a few nights to stay in, alone, and enjoy those.
There isn’t a formula for how much or what type of holiday-ing will hit the sweet spot for you. It takes a lot of self-assessment and committing to do what really works for you (and only what works for you). It takes hard boundaries sometimes, and you might have to wade through some guilt. None of it is easy or without consequences, but damn is it worth it to take this beautiful season back.
Are you ready to pare down a little and have the best holiday season yet? Here’s a few questions to get you started:
· What do you love about this season? What really lights you up and makes you feel warm and light?
· Who is most important to you right now? How do you want to show up for them and connect with them? What would be meaningful?
· What drains you during the holidays? What do you procrastinate or dread doing?
Once you have some clear answers to those questions, you can treat them like a filter to run decisions through: when deciding to do or not do something this holiday season, revisit your answers to how you want to feel, who it really serves and how, and how it makes your body feel to imagine doing it. If aligns and supports your holiday goals, it’s a yes! If it doesn’t, decline or delegate.
Most importantly, keep in mind that this is a practice! It might take a few years and some bumpy roads to get all the bugs worked out…but I promise that you, too, can get more out of the holidays than an empty tank.
Happy Celebrating!