Quitting gets a bad rep – like being a quitter is an insult. Somewhere along the lines it became synonymous with failure, and I think that’s incredibly unfair. Quitting can be such a beautiful step to create wellness in your life.
Growth almost always requires quitting something else, right? As a recovering perfectionist, there are a few times when I put something down that wasn’t working for me, even though I truly could have continued and achieved the goal. Those were some of my most empowering choices, because I was able to work towards a bigger, more aligned goal – which was often just feeling good.
I joined a 30 day yoga challenge once; it was geared toward accountability to develop a consistent practice by attending a class daily. I had to pay for it (out of a very tight budget) and there were swag bags and t-shirts for finishers and everything. Somewhere in the month, though, I noticed that I wasn’t enjoying it. The classes were packed, I was missing out on other things I enjoyed to attend a yoga class everyday, and it started feeling like a weighty responsibility rather than an opportunity. In my body, I felt dread before a class instead of the excitement I felt prior to the challenge. So, I quit. Lost the money I paid, didn’t get my shirt, and everyone in the studio could see where my name on the very public attendance tracker just sort of dropped off before the end of the month. This felt revolutionary to me! A former version of myself would have stuck it out – finished out the last couple weeks in misery, ruined my love of yoga, and probably felt a little resentment everytime I wore that damn tshirt. Instead, I discovered that I gained more by listening to my Self and acknowledging when something just wasn’t working.
In my career, I have quit jobs that were no longer working for me, projects that haven’t worked out, and countless business processes that worked for a time but not forever. Most of these were things that I believed deeply in and really enjoyed doing. All of them were hard to let go of in some way. If I hadn’t let go of things that were “sorta” working for me, though, I wouldn’t have moved on to things that work so much better. Giving myself permission to quit over and over again and view it as growth, as an act of self-connection and an empowered choice has really helped to combat the shame that is usually tied to quitting.
So…how do you know if you are giving up too soon or if it is time to quit something? There aren’t really rules on that, but here are some things to consider:
· Notice how it feels in your body when you do the thing you are thinking about quitting or when you think about doing it. Now imagine not doing it, or quitting, and notice how that feels. Your body won’t lie.
· What are the consequences of quitting? There are real and concrete reasons to keep doing things we don’t like sometimes because they are actually important for our health, our finances, our relationships, etc. Sometimes, though, we get caught up in the “have to” and don’t realize that there are actually zero consequences for quitting and we are forcing ourselves to continue for no reason (like the yoga challenge). Either way, getting clear on the consequences can give you a green light to quit or motivate you to power through until you have a better plan.
· How can you practice self-compassion here? What would you say to a friend who was struggling with shame about quitting something that you can tell isn’t good for her?
Let’s work to change the narrative around quitting; jobs, relationships, projects, goals, habits, etc. can still be considered a wild success, even if they don’t last forever.