Transition is a bit of a tricky concept; it sounds so temporary, and it is, but also seems to be a constant in life. As soon as one transition period ends, it seems like another one begins. I find myself coaching myself in saying that transition is temporary, this season won’t be like this forever, something good is on the other side, etc…and I’m starting to realize I’ve been saying that to myself for years. One transition phase seems to string right along into the next. Major transitions have a way of knocking you on your ass; the energy it takes to navigate through those can be exhausting. AND…the promise of something good on the other side of it can be so motivating.
For those committed to self development and growth, it is so important to get comfortable with transition, because she is just not going anywhere. Seeking growth means forward momentum, which isn’t possible without some level of transition.
Maybe you are transitioning jobs. Or your relationship is beginning/ending/changing. Or your family is going through one of the almost constant transitional phases children seem to bring. As a new Mom myself, here are a few things that might help you survive your current transition in one piece:
1 – Notice what is/will be the same despite the transition. Who you are, things you love, people who resonate with you, etc are good places to turn to find those constants. If you are someone who loves to read, and you are moving to a new city…you will still love to read there. If you have a solid group of close friends and you are someone ending a relationship…you will still have those friends.
Sometimes you have to start small, though, when things are changing a lot. Notice how a nice deep breath will make you feel…because it will you make you feel the same even as and after things change around you.
2 – Give yourself permission to grieve the losses, even (maybe especially…) with positive changes. This can feel hard in a culture that forces the concept of gratitude down our throats at every opportunity. I am here to tell you that you can be grateful, and still acknowledge loss as your life changes. For example: We just welcomed our first child into our family; she is healthy, happy, and perfect in every way (at least Mama thinks so…). I couldn’t be anymore thrilled or grateful for her, and I know just how lucky we are to have her. AND, I’m also feeling the loss of my independence, free time, sleep, and an orderly home. I can acknowledge the feelings that come up with that loss, and know that it doesn’t make me any less grateful for my daughter. Humans are complicated beings, allow yourself to stop trying to tidy up your emotions into just one box and transition will feel much easier.
3 – You’ve heard me say it over and over and I will keep saying it: Self-compassion is key here. Transitions are bumpy roads, and the skills I listed above are not easy to master immediately. When you catch yourself being critical, stop, take one breath, and remind yourself that transition is a process and you aren’t supposed to be perfect at it. You’re doing just fine.
I’d love to hear a little more about how you all handle transitions when they come up - leave your go-to’s in the comments!
*Sometimes, all the tips and tricks in the world still leave transition periods feeling totally overwhelming. If you are needing some extra support or counseling, feel free to reach out to get on my schedule.